Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
