you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize