im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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