I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
