People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
