you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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