Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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