What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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