Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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