my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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