i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
