I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
