oh god the rape fog is back!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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