I hate your face
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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