I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
