just come out here and I will go home with you...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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