My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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