It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
