omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
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