its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize