We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
