My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
