Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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