Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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