Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
