: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
