she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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