It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
