called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
