it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
