I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
