Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
