I am puke
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
