i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
