i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
