ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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