I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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