It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
