it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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