My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't deserve a penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
