It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
