my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
