I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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