Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
