is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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