She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
