this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
