Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize