i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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