You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
