i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When are your genitals available?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
