i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
