you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
