apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
