are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
