This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
