You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
