saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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