Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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