sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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