We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
