You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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