So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
