just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
