We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
