Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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