I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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