ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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