This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
