Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
