my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
