We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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