Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize