i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
