yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
